Getting engaged is exhilarating, but once the initial excitement settles, reality kicks in: the stress of planning a wedding. Before you dive into venue tours or dress shopping, take a step back. The couples who have the most enjoyable planning process, and the best weddings are those who align on their vision, budget, and expectations from the start.
Setting Your Wedding Budget: The Numbers Game That Matters
Your budget isn't just about money. It's about priorities. Start with the total amount you're comfortable spending, then work backwards.
The New Zealand Reality Check The average Kiwi wedding costs between $25,000-$35,000, but your wedding doesn't need to be average. Whether you're planning a $5,000 celebration or a $50,000 affair, what matters is that both partners agree on the figure and feel comfortable with it.
The 50/30/20 Breakdown Consider allocating your budget using the following formula:
- 50% for the big three: venue, catering, and bar service
- 30% for everything else: photography, flowers, music, transport, rings
- 20% as your buffer for unexpected costs (trust us, they'll appear)
Having the Money Conversation Discuss who's contributing what upfront. Are parents involved financially? What are their expectations in return? Some couples split costs down the middle, others contribute proportionally to their incomes, and some families cover specific elements. There's no right way. Only what works for your situation.
Create Your Priority List Write down your top three "must-haves" independently, then compare lists. You might discover that you both prioritise photography over flowers, or that live music matters more than elaborate centrepieces. These priorities should drive your budget allocation.
Managing Family Expectations: Diplomacy in Action
Family involvement can be wonderful or wonderfully complicated. Set boundaries early and communicate them clearly.
The Guest List Minefield Nothing tests family diplomacy like guest list negotiations. Start with your ideal number, then have honest conversations about who must be included versus who you'd like to include. Remember: it's easier to expand a small guest list than to shrink a large one.
When Parents Are Contributing Financially Money often comes with opinions. If family members are contributing to your wedding costs, clarify their level of input before accepting their help. Some parents want input proportional to their contribution; others simply want to support your vision. Know which situation you're in.
The Cultural Consideration New Zealand weddings often blend traditions from different cultures. Whether you're incorporating Māori customs, maintaining European traditions, or honouring your family's heritage from elsewhere, discuss which traditions matter to each of you and how they'll fit into your celebration.
Defining Your Style and Theme: Creating Your Visual Story
Your wedding style should reflect your personalities as a couple, not what's trending on Pinterest.
Start with Feelings, Not Photos Before browsing inspiration images, talk about how you want your wedding to feel. Relaxed and intimate? Grand and formal? Fun and colourful? Elegant and timeless? Your style should support these feelings.
The New Zealand Advantage Our stunning natural landscapes mean your venue will likely influence your style significantly. A vineyard wedding calls for different styling than a beach ceremony or a historic homestead celebration. Work with your setting, not against it.
Seasonal Style Considerations
- Summer (Dec-Feb): Think light fabrics, fresh flowers, and outdoor ceremonies
- Autumn (Mar-May): Rich colours, seasonal produce, and dramatic lighting
- Winter (Jun-Aug): Intimate venues, warm textures, and cosy atmospheres
- Spring (Sep-Nov): Fresh beginnings, pastel palettes, and garden settings
The Pinterest Test Create a shared Pinterest board, but limit yourselves to 20 pins each. This forces you to choose only images that truly resonate. Look for common themes in your combined selections. These reveal your authentic style preferences.
Location and Season: The Foundation Decisions
Your wedding date and location will influence almost every other decision you make.
Choosing Your Season Each New Zealand season offers distinct pros and cons:
Peak Season Realities (December-March): Higher costs, limited availability, but better weather and longer daylight hours. Book 12-18 months ahead.
Shoulder Season Benefits (April-May, October-November): Better pricing, stunning photography light, and unique seasonal beauty. Weather can be variable but venues are more flexible.
Off-Season Opportunities (June-September): Significant cost savings and intimate venues feel cosy. Consider indoor ceremonies and embrace the season rather than fighting it.
Regional Considerations
- Auckland: Urban sophistication with harbour views, but higher costs
- Bay of Islands: Tropical feel with stunning beaches and intimate venues
- Hawke's Bay: Wine country romance with vineyard venues and gourmet catering
- Wellington: Cultural sophistication with unique venues and strong craft beer options
- Canterbury: Mountain backdrops and garden venues with four distinct seasons
- Central Otago: Dramatic landscapes and world-class wineries
- Queenstown: Adventure romance with lake and mountain settings
The Practical Location Questions Ask yourselves: Where do most of your guests live? Are you asking people to travel? If so, can you help with accommodation recommendations? Would a destination wedding actually cost less when you factor in a smaller guest list?
Staying Aligned Throughout the Process
Planning a wedding tests every couple's communication skills. Here's how to stay on the same page:
Monthly Check-Ins Schedule regular planning sessions where you review progress, discuss upcoming decisions, and address any concerns. Treat these like business meetings—have an agenda and take notes.
The Veto Rule Agree that either partner can veto any decision, but they must explain why and suggest alternatives. This prevents resentment and ensures both partners feel heard.
Divide and Conquer Play to your strengths. If one of you loves research and the other excels at negotiation, assign tasks accordingly. Just make sure you both stay involved in major decisions.
When You Disagree Disagreements are normal. How you handle them matters. Return to your original priorities list and budget. Often, conflicts arise when decisions don't align with your stated values or when you're trying to please others instead of yourselves.
Your Next Steps
Before you book anything or make any major purchases:
- Complete the conversations outlined above
- Create your shared vision board with style preferences
- Set your budget and priorities list
- Establish your family involvement boundaries
- Narrow down your preferred season and regions
Remember: the most beautiful weddings aren't necessarily the most expensive ones -they're the ones where every element reflects the couple's authentic vision and values. Take time to align on these foundations early, and you'll find the rest of your planning process flows much more smoothly.
Your wedding planning journey should be enjoyable, not stressful. When you're clear on your vision, realistic about your budget, and aligned on your expectations, you're free to focus on the fun part: celebrating your love story in exactly the way that feels right for you.
